


m-bAH

by YouCantKeepMeDown



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Crack, M/M, gabriel has slept with basically everyone of historic interest, i should rethink my life choices, seriously this is just silly, talk about dicks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-06
Updated: 2017-10-06
Packaged: 2019-01-09 15:35:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 653
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12279405
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YouCantKeepMeDown/pseuds/YouCantKeepMeDown
Summary: How Gabriel made the ancient Egyptians incorporate a dick hieroglyph in their writing system.





	m-bAH

**Author's Note:**

> I'm so sorry for this! I found [this post on tumblr](https://punkflame.tumblr.com/post/166053532370/thatlittleegyptologist-thoodleoo-replied-to) and it brought back memories of happier times, when I was still sitting in the egyptology library trying to make sense of ancient texts on a regular basis. And then this stupid idea came to me. And it just had to get out. So suffer with me.

In Sam’s opinion, one of the best things about being in a relationship with a very powerful and very old supernatural being are the stories. Gabriel loves to tell them. About how he created the platypus (probably true). About the time he had debated Sokrates until the philosopher had chased him away cursing (definitely true). About the time he had modeled for Leonardo da Vinci (most likely made up). And the numerous occasions he had played pranks on several popes, because “ever heard of pope Julius II? Total dickhead. Was too busy leading an army instead of being an actual pope”. (without a doubt true)

It’s a slow evening at the bunker with Cas busy elsewhere and Sam and Dean both nursing a beer, while Gabriel is in the middle of yet another story, when he suddenly stops and says: “Ah yes. That was around the time I made the Egyptians incorporate a dick hieroglyph in their writing system.”

Dean looks at him through narrowed eyes. “I call bullshit.”

Gabriel grins and turns to Sam. “Samshine?”

With a sigh Sam pulls the laptop towards him. “I’m not going to google ‘dick hieroglyph’. Give me something else to work with.”

Gabriel rolls his eyes. “Go with phallus, if you want to be more classy.”

“Just google it,” Dean says. “I don’t want to be zapped to some archeological site again just so he can prove his bullshit. I’m still convinced that statue was fake anyway, by the way. It’s not like he couldn’t just snap one into existence.”

“I’m not that desperate to impress you, Dean-o.”

“Who’s talking about me? I’m not the giant fucking nerd.”

While his brother and his boyfriend bicker, Sam gives in and googles ‘phallus hieroglyph’.

“There are two.”

That makes both of them shut up.

“One normal one and one with … something coming out of it.” Sam isn’t sure if he wants to know more details.

“Seriously?” Dean says. “How old are you, Gabe? Five?”

The archangel grins again. “Add a few zeros.”

Since he’s already researched it now, Sam goes on. “Apparently the second version was among other things used for writing the word …” He squints at something that definitely has too many consonants in the transcription and mostly consist of an owl, the dick hieroglyph and some squiggly lines in the original.

Gabriel leans over to have a look at the screen. “Em-bah”, he says, which is not quite what’s written there, but Sam is not going to argue over the pronunciation of long dead languages with an archangel.

“Which means ‘in front of’,” Sam goes on.

“I guess that makes sense,” Dean mumbles into his bottle. “Sounds like the old Egyptians really hated sucking dick, though. If they made it stand for ‘bah’.”

Gabriel chuckles. “Pharaoh Pepi II. sure liked it. And he was pretty good at it, too.”

Sam almost chokes on his drink. “No talk about past lovers!” he chides.

“Samshine, that rules out quite a lot of people.”

By now Dean looks like he regrets the choice of topic, too. Promptly Gabriel turns to him. “I can hear you praying that I haven’t slept with some of your idols, too, Dean-o.”

Sam’s brother mutters a curse. “I swear, if you name names, I’ll go get an angel blade out of the trunk.”

“Can we get back to how you actually managed make them incorporate it into their writing system?” Sam asks.

“Sure we can.” Gabriel leans over again, this time to steal a kiss. “That was easy. Humans have always loved drawing dicks on things, you know. I just gave them a gentle shove in the right direction. And it makes sense, if you want to write words that deal with being in front of something, doesn’t it?”

Dean hmpfs. “They could’ve drawn boobs instead.”

The archangel points at him. “I’ll remember that for the next civilization that invents a pictoral writing system.”


End file.
